Internalised Misogyny

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Today we happily bring you an article written by the brilliant Sanchita Das 💫 Do give this profound piece read👀, and make sure to like and share💖!!

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Feminism seems like a simple concept at first. Equal rights, equal duties etc etc. It can't really get a lot harder than that. But then again, if it were that simple, it wouldn't have been so entrenched in the generations. Today, It's almost as if being a feminist is a necessity of being a woman. If you're not, you're probably against the concept, which makes people assume you are evil. Don't get me wrong, I no longer see the point of not being a feminist either, but now it's like we support women because we have to, not because we actually know what we're doing and standing for. Usually, when you think about women's problems, you get one straightforward conclusion. Men.

Take a dozen in a hundred problems women face today, and you'll see that almost every single one of them can be solved if the man and the woman were kept on an equal pedestal. Ironically enough, though, it has never been the man who has told me so. Maybe it's because, at my age, there aren't a lot of life-ruining moments of gender disparity, or perhaps I just haven't met people like so. But in every instance where me or girls my age being who we are, has affected the way we go about our daily lives, it has always been shown to me by someone of the same gender. Someone you would expect to be more supportive because they went through the same problems. Feminism was taught to me by a woman, but so was misogyny.

I was 11 when I was asked to "cover-up" and "show less skin", something that had never been a problem the year before and in general until I was brought to a social gathering, where all the women were the perfect picture of a "sanskari ladki". I was told to look and dress the same, as if my not looking similar to them could somehow hamper the image of women throughout the country. Being a somewhat bratty teenager, I went against this, and to this day, the women who told me to dress better don't look at me the same.

I was 13 when I complained about being sexualised by boys older than I was, and when the subject was brought up to one of my teachers, her solution was simply not to talk to them, or to most boys for that matter, so that I would be safe. Though I will give her credit for trying to improve the issue by talking to them about it, the bottom line is that the world is a cruel place.

I was 13 again when one of my teachers, someone I respected quite profoundly, told me that my "promiscuous habits wouldn't help me further in life". For context, I'll let you know that, like any teenager my age, I have a group of friends who aren't all girls. Which, according to her, wouldn't inherently be a problem if I hadn't put up my prior complaint. If I could tell her anything today, I'd like her to know that when I had my own instance of sexual harassment almost a year after this conversation, I'd tell her that I had kept my head down just like she wanted me to. Of course, that wasn't much help either way. So, to sum up, I would have to deal with the added issues that come with having a group of girls and boys as my close friends as soon as it crosses society's allowance.

I can think of at least a hundred instances where my friends, girls my age, have been ridiculed for going against gender norms, for being outspoken or "not girly". And as soon as they try to push against the glass ceiling too much, they are given various labels that scar them for life by other women. You can argue that for people aged 13-19, there aren't a lot of absolutely destructive problems we can go through. But the more minor issues? How to dress? How to act? How long we're allowed outside? How much of our own identity can we acquire? Things imposed on us every single day build up to a lot of problems that will affect us even drastically later on.

I am infinitely proud to be a female and to know so many women, both older than and of my own age, who don't let boundaries define them. But the knowledge that they are labelled and reduced to objects or inferiors when they do so, and the impending sense of doom that if I cross the line too much, the same will happen to me, is terrifying.

The truth of the matter isn't that we're the only generation that faces these issues. The people who put these societal expectations on us went through the same. Maybe because the easier path is to keep their head down, or perhaps because they don't see the wrong here, women are stuck in a vicious cycle of internalised misogyny and will continue to be until we hold ourselves accountable for the deep conditioning we have been put through.

For all I know, I never want to see the day I have to tell my daughter to not wear what she wants to protect her from the probability of being considered more "easy". Usually, I would end an essay about such a controversial topic on a more inspiring note. But writing this is less of a plea and more of a statement about how tiring this is. Women can't win, not because we're not allowed to, but because we no longer allow ourselves.

SANCHITA DAS